Strange Love

There is no stranger love than the love between a mother and daughter. It’s a love that is so powerful on so many levels, that it’s almost unimportant to have the physical body there to carry it. It strong enough to hold its own. Even when the lower emotions enter into the picture, like blame, guilt or hate. It doesn’t matter, because there is this crazy connection that starts from the womb.Trust me I have run the gambit with my mom. Anger and hurt were the strongest emotions toward my mom for years.

Then I started to understand myself and who I am with or without her. I started to understand, as I came into the age of where she was when I held the negative emotions, and I get it now. The all-knowing light bulb moment comes on every now and then and I have a better understanding of  why she wanted to escape her life. I didn’t realize that when she locked herself in her room that I was being affected on such a deep level. I felt not only her pain, but add to that my hurt and confusion. What a mess.

Now that she is older and I am older and we have both gone through so much healing in our lives, in ourselves,  I hope that she feels the love that she didn’t get to feel when she was younger. I try to send it to her from a distance as often as I can everyday. As I walk through the house and she comes to mind I feel her pull and I say to her out loud, I love you mom. I know on some level she hears it and this past week I received confirmation of that.

I am still in Panama handling the last bits of business here before I can return. So even though I know that mom can’t hold a steady conversation, I hope that she receives the loving energy I am sending her from the core of my being. I want her to know that no matter what we went through in our relationship good, bad and the ugly, that she deserves to feel unconditional love.

My mother is currently in a state of Alzheimer’s and while its frustrating at times she is doing well and past the anger stages. She is what I call floating along in the in between world. I always say to my mom before I hang up with her I love you and I will check in with you in a few days. This past week I said that to her and she said, with clarity I might add, “You check in with me all of the time”. A massive  feeling of overwhelming joy passed through my body and I asked her, mom do you feel it when I send you love? Are you feeling it? She said yes, she feels it.

That moment was one of the most beautiful moments of confirmation that I have ever had. It is the moment that will carry me through to her end when she is ready to make her transition. Whether its 10 days from now or 10 years from now. That will do me just fine. I attribute that feeling of love, to that mother daughter connection. Although we didn’t have a smooth ride, I am grateful I was conceived out of love. Not the love of her husband but the love of her soul mate and I am so grateful to have been a part of that.

So this morning I was seeking a way to help keep my thoughts positive and my vibration high, as I sit in this wild country called Panama. I found on you tube a 15 minute interview between Dr. Christiane Northrup and her daughter Kate Northrup. It’s on Glimpse T.V. and its called “Born Funny”. No matter what your relationship is with your mother I hope you watch it. Its silly and scientific and its real.

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