In most of my writing I have shown the strong side of me because I have always had to be strong. I feel change is coming so I’m gonna slow my roll a little . There is a softer side to me that hasn’t been shown in a long time. I’m by myself quite a lot and people don’t get to see this side of me . The way I hold a hummingbird after it hits the window. I blow in its delicate little face the symbols I know that are helping it heal. I carry the little ones until they are no longer in need. They are now a part of me and I’m a part of them. This is an exchange that is so precious and so loving.
I feed the monkeys because they aren’t afraid of me. They take my gift of bananas and chatter away while they eat. Soft high pitch squeals coming from them as they are powering down the food. They feel comfortable with me as I talk to them. Wishing for them all of the protection from their surroundings. Its time for me to take this softer side of me for a walk outside this jungle I live in.
I long to wear nice clothes and be a bit of a girly girl again. Its time for me to be in love again. To receive love, has been one of the most difficult things ever for me. In order to receive love you have to let your guard down enough for someone to see who you are and what your all about. I will let my guard down and paint my nails pink. I want to be the softness of that color.
Don’t get me wrong I have no intention on trying to be a prissy girl. A more seasoned and softer version of my self is all. I want to smooth my edges and let someone open the door for me with out feeling like I’m being looked at as weak. I want to soften my skin with lovely smelling lotion and hydrate and take care of my body so that I can be appreciated for those things that I’m doing to take care of myself.
I want to be cherished and loved by someone so I will have to start by cherishing and loving myself. I’m going to start to slow my roll enough to do a few little things for myself. This is so that people around me can see that I have value and appreciate that I am learning to value myself. I am sharing this with you so that you will know that under this tough old broad skin there is a vulnerable side that is ready to be shared.
If I think of it in colors I would say Ive always been red. Red is strong, bold and powerful. I think of pink as a softer version of red. Pink never loses its power, it just feels more approachable, warm, instead of too hot to handle. My dreams are still of winning battles and saving the day but for now I will slow it down and try to be the rescued instead of the rescuer. For those of you who know me, you cant pick your selves up off of the floor and stop laughing now. I only said I would try.