It’s a strange thing to feel lost in your own home. It’s not that I am confused about my home and where things are. I’m not confused at all. It’s that I’ve been puttering through this day not accomplishing much of anything. I feel like I can see clear in to next winter but I can’t seem to see my way around what’s going on now.

It’s about the craziest feeling. How does that old saying go, “Its always darkest before the dawn”? If that’s the case I can’t wait til dawn. I don’t much care for the limbo stage. I’m a doer and always have been. I find it difficult to be in the sit and wait mode.

The temperature has changed to almost cold here in the jungle and all I want to do is curl up with a big mug of hot tea and honey and visit with my mom.  When the weather turns bad or cold it’s the hot tea and honey that warms my insides. That and a good book or oldie movie, then pile up on the couch.

I spoke to my mom today and she seemed very far away and maybe that’s why I feel a little lost. She is 73 and her husband is turning 70 this year. Yet she is home alone, again. That makes me sad. I feel like if you are going to bother to get married then keep with your vows. In sickness and in health. She has Alzheimer’s and he is still leaving her home alone.

It would make me feel so much better if I could be there now and have her walk the back property with me on a sunny day. I would like to make home-made ice-cream with her on the back porch and chase the chickens back into the coop. I want to dance with her in the middle of the house and cook with her in the kitchen until she no longer knows who I am or where she is…and even then there will be more for us to do.

Maybe that is why I feel a little lost. I’m trying to get there but the Universe is taking its time on helping me with that task. I guess it’s just not meant to be yet. I am going to send her some love and light today and hope that she remembers that I called and I am thinking about her.

I’m trying my best to get to you mom, but for now I will just go put the kettle on, til its time for me to be there.