The phrase “Don’t you look at me in that tone of voice” was brought to us from American writer poet Dorothy Parker. It is a phrase I have heard many times in my coming of age years. In our current day of technology laden verbage and zero human contact, it needs to be altered. Maybe something along the lines of “Don’t email me in that tone of text”.

It feels like we are losing human contact and being forced into a world of abbreviations. There are so many abbreviations these days that I have no idea what they all mean. What are you people saying? How will I ever catch up and do I want to? I guess that is the question.

This past week I have been dealing with attorneys and banks in a foreign country in a foreign language. The thing about communicating with anyone in an email or a text is you can’t feel the emotion, intonation or inflection in the sentence or paragraph. No matter where you put the stupid comma.  So to question an already egomaniacal attorney dressed in some cheesy Frederick’s of  Hollywood’s 10 inch stiletto’s, makes it easy to lose things in the translation.

I could say something like “my cat farted in your general direction”. Does that mean my cat farted at you or on you or in a way to suggest that you needed to be farted upon? The thing is, if you can not hear the tone of a person’s voice  that you are communicating with, how do you know how to receive the message? How can you possibly call someone rude if you don’t understand where the inflection is.

There are way too many new languages out there to be kept up with. I have a hard enough time with American English twisted into legalese. Something nobody in there right mind should have created. Its meant to confuse everyone involved. Mean what you say and say what you mean. In my situation there is so much ego involved that it is spilling out and over flowing into the rest of the world.

That is a lot for a crooked little country like Panama. Now there you go, it’s a fine example. Do I mean to say that the geographical description of the country of Panama is crooked (because it is) or am I saying that the country is crooked in their way of being. Or better yet are all of the people walking around with crooked spines with crooked bodies (probably crooked having to do with the hooker heels that the women wear here in every job situation). You see there so many ways that you can spin a sentence like that.

I would like to go back to the days of simplicity. The days where you write a letter by hand instead of by email. I want you to call me or come to my home when you want to have a conversation. I want to see your eyes and hear your tone and be able to respond in a way that you can hear me with out wondering how I mistook that message or text. Oh and by the way I can’t text, so never try that with me.

I am a direct person with out much of a filter and I appreciate those who speak my language. I know that soon I will be out of the foreign language situation and will be stepping into the world of a faster paced tech world and  I’m not looking forward to that part of  this change. So if you see a phone flying out of my hands and into the ocean or bay then you know its been an off day. Have patience with me I’m old school and proud of it.