Everyone has a breaking point. I have gone far beyond my breaking point now and I feel like Michael Douglas from the movie “Falling Down”. I want to take the wammie burger and shove it up the ass of every attorney in Panama. The entire process of dealing with banks and lawyer’s in Panama and asshole buyers has made me physically ill. The stress level in my body has been turned up to way beyond what a normal person would handle in the worst of situations.
Its been stressful enough just trying to get back to help my mom before she dies. The entire situation has made it difficult to function. My body is in a state of Adrenal Fatigue. How do I know this? Because it’s happened before. The human body is only capable of handling so much stress. When you are put in a constant state of stress it affects the adrenal glands and levels of cortisol. The body, in a constant state of fight or flight, is like being in a war zone without the bullets zinging by your head.
Here is a list of just a few things that are physically happening to me…..
lack of sleep
lack of appetite
feeling exhausted all of the time
emotional highs and lows
puffy around the eyes
burning feeling in the stomach
thoughts of suicide
Sound like fun? Yeah I didn’t think so. Its whats happening to me and I know there is help at the end of what I am going through. If I can force myself to get through this last little bit I know how to get help for this. Now let me share with you how I managed to find out about Adrenal Fatigue.
Some years back I was in a traumatic accident that took my life. After many surgeries and therapy sessions I recovered, for the most part. There have been things that I didn’t deal with along the way and they have reared their ugly little heads. I kept ignoring signs that my body was giving me. Instead of slowing down I just kept pressing myself to work harder. Then came the year of four hurricane evacuations in southern Florida. I was living on my boat alone in the Florida Keys and did not make out of that season unscathed. This meant more stress, but I just kept powering through because that’s what I do.
The straw that broke the camels back came after a month-long trip to Thailand. Don’t get me wrong it was a great trip but instead of taking a break upon returning, I threw myself right back into a heavy work load. I started having sleep issues and then weight gain. Even though I was dieting and working out (the trainer at the gym kept telling me I was obese and didn’t believe that I was dieting along with the work out schedule…asshole) there were no changes in my weight. It seemed to be getting worse. I kept pressing myself to power through it. I’m strong, I thought, I can do anything.
Then I read the book by Suzanne Somers called “Ageless: The Naked truth About Bio-Identical Hormones”. I started to get a better understanding of why my body was failing. Why it was no longer listening to the demands I was giving it. I was in Florida at the time and located a doctor who dealt with the treatment of Bio-Identical Hormones. It was weird at first. I understood the blood tests but she also had me do saliva testing. Even though I thought it was strange to spit in a tube several times a day for several days in a row, then ship my spit off to a lab. I did it anyway.
It was confirmed I had Adrenal Fatigue and immediately started treating with dhea, cortisol, estrogen and progesterone along with vitamins and fish oil. I started feeling better and the weight started coming off again. I was sleeping better and feeling a sense of empowerment again.
Then I bought a house Panama a month before the financial crash of 2008. This affected me like the rest of the world, but I did what I always do. Just figured it out. I was in a situation where I couldn’t take care of myself in the way that I had learned. Then add to that my mothers diagnosis of Alzheimer’s and the need to sell and return to the states began. This has been a stressful time and place. It’s not a country for the faint of heart. Its a 3rd world shit hole dressed in an Armani suit. That chapter of the story will be written another day.
I have been monitoring some sites about Endometriosis (its helped me with recall on the book I am writing) so that I can give advice based on my experience. I am going to do the same thing with Adrenal Fatigue. They can be connected and that is what really prompted me to write this blog today. The stress of a chronic illness can cause adrenal fatigue. It’s as simple as that. If you are in constant pain or in a constant state of stress it can alter the adrenal glands ability to keep up. As women we are expected to function through all of the mis-diagnosis and judgements about our physical or emotional state of being. It exhausts me. Not just the Adrenal Fatigue, but of the every day stressor’s in life. I have to learn to let go of what no longer serves me purpose. I am working on it.
I want to say to other women out there to press for answers because you deserve not to stay in the dark about what is really going on with your body. Remove the assholes from your life, that includes men trainers in the gym who have no idea what is going on with your body. This also includes liars, cheats and thieves. Or in other words, banks, attorney’s and buyer’s. I am working on that as I write this.
I hope that if you have read this blog that you will go to the links below and find the answers that will help you. I am going to try harder to treat myself with more compassion and less demands on my body and soul. I hope that you will do the same.