It was on this date, 19 years ago that I did exactly that. I began again. My life was taken from me by an out board motor. My face was slashed and my body was broken. My already low self-esteem instantly got lower. There were so many different levels of who I was before I died. None of that came to be apparent until I went and came back. Even then it took a while to realize that I am powerful enough to stay if I want to. I am worthy of being here and making my presence known.
I may speak a different language than most. I may interpret what you say to me in a way you didn’t expect. It’s who I am. I chose to be a woman in this life and I chose to be short. I am powerful so if you can imagine me a foot taller with all of that power and energy I would literally scare the shit out of people. We don’t want that now, do we?
When the propeller went through my face and sliced the nerves that control my smile it killed me in a different way. A much more intense way. So there was so much healing to be done. Not just with the death but with the living I did before my death. Dying is the easy part and oh so beautiful. If I could give you a word to describe what I felt…peace would be the word.
Loving and unconditional peace filled my soul. I felt protected and yet there was nothing to be protected from because there was nothing to fear in death. I honor the life I had before my death because it gave me the life experiences to pull from so I can help others today. I can sit in front of you and say nothing is perfect and yet everything is perfect and as it should be.
We all have those lessons that help mold us. Some of us have a few more than others because we don’t always get it the first time around. Today I stand before you as a strong beautiful spirit. I am confident and loving. I am creative and smart and worldly. I am able and willing to help you up if you are feeling down. I will slay the dam dragon if you ask me to, just ask me to.
It’s not every day that I am feeling the way that I am feeling but because it is the day it is, I am honoring how far I have come. I am honoring my ability to pull from the core of my souls journey and human experiences that I have taken on. My body was slashed and torn, then I was judged by my peers. Then I was judged by the law and judged by the community and by the captains that I sought work from. To judge me is not to know me.
If you knew where I came from and what I had been through there would be no judgement only honor and appreciation. I survived all of the above to be here in the moment so that I can learn to love myself. It’s the hardest thing in the world to do and nothing that I was taught over the years but I’m going to learn to make this second nature in my heart. I am learning to love and appreciate my strength and knowing.
Nineteen years ago I was living a dream, of sailing and working on the water. Being one with the sea and earning my props. Then the channel changed and I got a do over. Living the dream didn’t change. I went through thirteen surgeries and lots of pain, but I kept sailing and being at one with the sea. I continued because I wasn’t going to let anyone tell me I didn’t belong or that I couldn’t do what I was doing.
I am a warrior soul and have always embraced challenge, it’s what I do best. I get things done and fight for the under dog. Well in my case I was the under dog so I fought for myself. My intent today was to go to battle but instead I chose a different path. A battle still, but not on the outside. Its a battle on the inside and only one that gets in my way now and again. I opened my heart to channeling today as I usually do and chose to listen.
I chose today to live in a way that’s higher in vibration and higher in love. My hope is that you feel and hear my words and compare them to your own journey. That is why I am here. I am a warrior soul that was too tough to kill and now am here to be of service to those of you who choose to reach out. So in my words I not only honor myself today, but I honor you as well. Love and light to those of you who choose to read what I have to offer.